Witchboard (1986)
Evil Spirits, Feathered Hair, and Zero Five-Year Plans
Before she slid across Whitesnake’s cars and a few years before marrying David Coverdale, Tawny Kitaen starred in Witchboard (1986)—playing Linda, a woman who basically becomes a bad pen pal with a Ouija board. The result? She gets possessed by Malfeitor, an evil spirit hellbent on…well, doing evil, I guess. It’s not like he had much of a five-year plan.
Witchboard is an easy movie to pick apart if you’re cynical. On paper, it should barely work. The premise is ridiculous, and the evil spirit is about as nuanced as a Saturday morning cartoon villain. And if you’re wondering (because you haven’t seen this movie YET), the answer is yes. It leans hard into 80s tropes.
But here’s the thing—it all clicks. At least it clicks enough to make me a fan. It’s the kind of movie where sincerity, charm, and a killer head of hair do a lot of heavy lifting.
Witchboard isn’t perfect. It doesn’t need to be. It’s rough around the edges in that charming way a lot of 80s horror is—the kind of movie you remember for its vibe more than its technical polish. But the one thing it gets very right is its cast.
These aren’t slick, model-perfect actors (okay, except maybe Kitaen) trying to cash in their 15 minutes of fame with over-the-top performances. The characters all feel like real people. The kind you’d bump into at the grocery store or the mall. Tawny Kitaen brings a believable warmth to Linda—even as she descends into possession, you want her to pull through. Todd Allen plays the boyfriend, Jim Morar, with a nonchalant everyman charm that deepens as the stakes rise. Brandon Sinclair, played by Stephen Nichols (probably best known for his role on Days of Our Lives, which I didn’t watch), starts as a smug jerk you want to throat-punch but ends up as a surprisingly layered and sympathetic character. Even the supporting cast was treated seriously. Kathleen Wilhoite nails it as Zarabeth, the quirky medium with her curated punk aesthetic and just enough self-aware obnoxiousness to make her lovable instead of grating. Lloyd, Jim’s coworker and friend, would have been an easy character to reduce to a cheap punchline, but James W. Quinn gave him a little soul.
Is it scary? Eh. Not really. But it’s earnest. It believes in its own mythology enough to make you want to believe it too, at least for the movie’s duration.
I give Withcboard 3 out of 5 stars—and by my highly sophisticated rating system, that means it’s a solid watch. You don’t need to go out of your way to watch it. But it’s good, and if you’re drawn to anything particular about it (cast, director, genre, or whatever), you should put it on your list.
I know a 3 out of 5 sounds like a middling rating (because it is), but I love the movie. I just recognize what it is and that it won’t be everyone’s cuppa. It’s fun, nostalgic, and pure escapism. The main villain, Malfeitor, doesn’t need proper motivation. He exists, and that’s reason enough for him to be a menace.
I’m a fan of Witchboard. It’s a movie I’m always happy to revisit. The truth is, I’m fond of a lot of 80s movies that will never crack any list of “greatest cinematic achievements.” And it’s not just because they’re tied to my childhood. There’s a certain charm baked into 80s films that I doubt will ever be replicated—a sincerity beneath the perms, the neon, and the melodrama. They weren’t trying to be self-aware or ironic (not all of them, anyway) or “elevated.” They just were. Earnest. A little clumsy. Sometimes weirdly beautiful in their flaws. You know, just like us.
Witchboard fits beautifully into that category. It believes in its own story, even though you can see the seams. Somehow, that makes it easier to believe right along with it.
Anyone out there seen the others? I stopped here.